Coping with Loss

Dealing with loss is not easy as we overcome our emotions and the new normal of losing someone we love. As women, it is even more challenging than any other time in history because we need to juggle life and loss at the same time. Talk about work life balance being put to the test when you add the loss of a loved one or dealing with an illness in the midst of life happening. If you own your own business, work continues; if you have young children, they still need your full attention and care.

I recently lost my father, my rock, my first love. I was daddy’s little girl and now my heart feels empty knowing that I can’t turn to him for support, for that strong hug that always let me know that everything was going to be okay. The man who taught me my values, work ethic and inspired me to choose my career. He is gone. I am somehow coping with my empty heart and loss as I find myself still having to take care of work, my son and the financial loose ends left to be settled. No one would fault me for letting a few balls drop in the midst of everything happening. It would make perfect sense to stop and deal with loss but the reality is that it is not that simple of a choice. As women in business, we know that there are many people counting on us at any given time. Our sense of responsibility and selflessness causes us to choose others over our own heartbreak. Our businesses can only function without our dedication and attention for so long and our children still need our care and nurturing. Life doesn’t stop because we are experiencing a life event, it keeps moving forward. Unfortunately, the daily juggles of work life balance don’t leave a lot of time to mourn and be with our thoughts.

I was recently sharing my experience with my best friend; she is experiencing a similar issue in her life. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing surgery. The biggest issue she is facing is this profound sense of guilt. She feels that she is being judged. She feels she is choosing between taking care of her motherly duties and being by her mom’s side. She has little children and doesn’t have the support system to leave them and be with her mom during the actual surgery. This feeling of guilt of having to juggle life and being there for those we love adds to the already fragile state that we are in when faced with these challenges. A work colleague’s husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. She has had to rearrange her work schedule to be there with her husband, causing a higher level of stress thinking of her business obligations and client commitments as she worries about doctor visits and treatment schedules.

My thought is that life is going to continue to move forward, oblivious of our personal challenges. It is important that we stop feeling guilty about having to take care of our life obligations and not necessarily drop the ball on those matters that are important to us because of life events that are out of our control. We mourn in our own way, we remember those we love and those we love during the moments we are alone with our thoughts, we can dedicate our time to mourn our loss and remember those we love without guilt as we find one more challenge in our quest for work-life balance.

- Bellaria Jimenez