Establish Discipline

There is no doubt that the most successful individuals in business, sports or any other trade have a disciplined lifestyle. Everything from what they eat, to their exercise routine, to how they organize their day has a structure. This structured discipline is what differentiates the good from the great.

When we are in school, we accomplish discipline by being told what to do and when to do it by our parents and teachers. Some students are better than others at doing homework and projects, which is reflected in their grades and overall academic performance. Somehow when we go to college and are no longer told what to do, we lose our discipline and structure. This is the start of what then becomes a life of winging it, of just reacting to situations instead of planning.

Think for a minute what a difference having discipline with what we eat can have on our body and mind. If you stop to think about your meal plan for the day, you would avoid eating out of hunger, stress and grabbing whatever high calorie, non-nutritious food crosses your path simply because you are at a point of famish. This example is clearly visible by observing our bodies and how these bad habits reflect in our girth. Now apply the same example to our daily lives, your business, your goals, your money choices. If we treat them the same way we treat our eating, it is no wonder we are not getting the results we may be seeking.

How do you establish a discipline for success? First don’t be hard on yourself. You have years of bad habits that cannot be changed overnight. I use to bite my nails out of stress and it then just became a bad habit that is not very hygienic to say the least. It took me years to break it and occasionally, I catch myself sticking my fingers in my mouth but it can be changed. The first step is to get real with yourself. Just get mad! That’s it, I have had enough! Then start with just one thing. One change you are going to commit to making.

Here is a personal example. I realized that I had a lot of daily stresses in my life and I was having a difficult time disconnecting and finding joy in simple things. I was becoming way to serious! I started paying attention to what I was focusing on during the day. I was only compounding it by the stuff I was listening to. The soundbites in your day program your brain to think and feel a certain way. My first change which was extremely challenging was disconnecting from the news. I realized news tend to be negative, depressing, stressful and I can’t do anything about whatever is being reported. It does not get me any closer to my goals and objectives. I would wake up in the morning to the news, I would then turn the TV on while eating my breakfast to the morning show and listen to more news and gossip on other people’s lives and then I would get in my car and listen to more news. I figured I was well informed, I was building knowledge and well you get the point, it was my own excuses for why I had established this habit.

I started the change by establishing a new morning routine. I now wake up and listen to a motivational speaker like Tony Robbins, Darren Hardy or Mel Robbins, while I do my hair and makeup. Then I listen to soft music while making my coffee. A few weeks after getting this routine down, I added a new element, a 5 minute meditation after my coffee. On my drive to work I now listen to Audible to change the soundbite I listen to and make it something relevant to my goal. I can’t stress enough how these small changes over time have drastically changed my life and my business results. By the way, the world problems continue and it does not affect my daily life. I know there were a few hurricanes recently and I donated money for the recovery efforts. I helped do my positive part but I did not have to watch upsetting images to be motivated to donate. All disciplines begin by establishing a new routine and sticking to it even when you are on vacation.

Try making the changes over a period of 4 weeks. Write it down so that you don’t forget and every day read it, follow it and tweak it. You will be so amazed at how you can improve every aspect of your life. I have applied the same changes to my eating, exercising and even playtime with my son. I have disciplined routines that I have established and I feel so much more relaxed and confident that I am on the road to reaching my goals. Remember it is not the destination but the journey that is the most important.

Does Meditation Really Work?

In the quest for clarity and focus, we tend to lose sight of the importance of focusing on fine tuning a very important organ, our brain. We heavily emphasize the importance of exercising and eating right as essential parts of our overall health regimen but we forget that our brains need attention too. There isn’t as much discussion on how to shut off the mind and stay focused and clear in achieving success when you are working hard at school, at work, or at building a business. When our brains are working right, we are clear, focused, and positive. When are brains are not working right, we are negative, depressed, and lethargic. This is why focusing on the brain is as critical as focusing on your body fat or diet. So how do you focus on the brain?

You can start by reading more about your brain -- there are many great brain books. Two of the most recent books I read on this subject are “Making a Good Brain Great” by Dr. Daniel Amen and “Brain Maker” by David Perlmutter and Kristin Loberg. These books contain great insight as to how to protect your brain, how to eat the right foods to prevent brain illnesses, and brain exercises that keep your brain engaged. As the saying goes “use it; don't lose it.”

Another way to focus on your brain’s health is to meditate. I was never a big believer in meditation -- I thought of it as too new age for me. I made excuses as to why I had no time for it but now that I have been practicing it, I understand the importance of daily reflection, of clearing your brain from the daily clutter that consumes it. Have you ever watched something disturbing and it takes a while for you to shake it? Or have you ever listened to a song that brings back a sad memory? These are examples of how your brain can be triggered and you have to quickly change your thoughts to snap out of it. The problem is that daily our brain is inundated with thoughts and images that are not moving us towards our goals, that are not positive and energizing, and you aren’t even aware of it. Your brain is zapped daily by news, gossip, other people’s agenda, so many conscious and unconscious thoughts and images that it can’t turn off. This leads to stress, insomnia, panic attacks and so on.

The idea of daily mediation is to gain control of your brain and your thoughts, to declutter the brain, change the channel to the white noise station so it can reset. Your brain needs this just like your computer and cell phone need to reboot periodically to work efficiently. When you start meditating, you may find it difficult to shut your mind and turn off your thoughts. You might find that you really stink at it. Don’t give up. Keep at it. You will find it extremely beneficial and you will regain control of yourself. Your exercise routine is not complete without the daily exercise of your brain.

You can meditate by just staying quiet, focusing on your breathing. Slowly breathe in through your nose until you can’t fill your lungs any longer and then breathe out through your mouth until all of the air is out. Try this a few times to start relaxing. You may also choose to use guided meditations. My favorite app for mediation is Insight Timer -- it is free and has so many options to choose from. I do a short 5 to 10 minute morning mediation and a sleep meditation which I always fall asleep and never hear to its entirety... I guess that is the point. Another popular meditation app is Headspace. They offer a free 10-day beginner course, and if you like it, they have three subscription options -- $12.99/month, a one-time annual payment equating to $7.99/month, or a lifetime subscription for $399.99. Enjoy and take care of your brain, there are too many stressed out and unhappy people out there. Don’t be one of them!

Here are 6 daily tips to declutter and reset your brain.

1. Do a short 5-10 minute morning mediation.
2. Do not watch news or listen to gossip. (Believe me, this is not helping you reach your goals and you can’t do anything about it, it is a waste of your time and energy.)
3. Find reasons to laugh during the day; it is the best brain medicine.
4. Disconnect at night -- no news, no disturbing television shows.
5. Write in a journal and reflect things you are grateful for.
6. Sleep meditation or prayer before you go to sleep.

- Bellaria Jimenez

5 Reasons Why Women Should be Selfish... Financially

Article by: Shelly Gigante

Shelly Gigante specializes in personal finance issues. Her work has appeared in a variety of publications and news websites.

Originally posted on August 24, 2017

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Women are givers by nature – especially when it comes to our money. We may delay getting dental work to buy back-to-school clothes. Or put our careers on hold to raise children and care for aging parents. And we might help pay for our kids’ (and sometimes grandkids’) college tuition at the expense of our own retirement savings.

Such choices may be selfless, but they also put women in a precarious financial position.

“Women are trained to look out for others,” said Ginita Wall, a tax accountant, financial advisor, and co-founder of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education, a San Diego, California-based nonprofit. “That’s not to say men don’t have the instinct to care for their families because they do, but they tend to take a more macro view, while women look more at the micro – at what needs to get done today or this week.”

Wall recalls one client who came to her in her early 60s and wanted to be sure that she was going to be set for retirement.

“We reviewed her financial plan and determined that she should be able to retire on time at age 66, but two years later she told me she didn’t have any money at all,” said Wall, in an interview. The client revealed that her daughter had been engaged in a nasty custody battle and that she had helped pay for all her legal fees.

“It devastated her own retirement plan and now she won’t be able to retire even close to on time,” said Wall. “Mothers want to make their children happy and relieve their pain, but you can’t help your family unless you first take care of yourself.” (Related: Establishing financial goals)

Toward that end, as Women’s Equality Day approaches, here are five reasons why the ladies should make their money a top priority…

Break the cycle

Apart from the sentiment to support their family, women often sacrifice their own financial well-being because that’s the behavior their own mothers modeled, said Wall.

“Your financial decisions today are setting an example for your kids and future generations,” she said. “Parents often think about influencing their younger children, but they forget that adult children need guidance, too. Show them what to do and break the cycle.”

Don’t give your son money for a down payment on a first home, for example, if it compromises your ability to retire on time or with the lifestyle you envisioned. And don’t bail your daughter out of credit card debt if it won’t do either of you any good.

Instead, make clear that you’re not in the position to provide financial resources, but lend your verbal and emotional support. It’s not a rejection. It’s a learning opportunity. Help them research loan options, develop a savings plan, and explore debt repayment options to empower your children to meet their financial goals today and develop healthy spending habits for tomorrow.

Self-reliance is a gift

While many parents worry about leaving a financial legacy for their kids, financial advisors say the best gift you can give the next generation is to fortify your retirement nest egg so you can cover your own living expenses and future health care costs.

According to Fidelity’s annual Heath Care Cost Estimate, the average 65-year old couple retiring in 2016 with traditional Medicare insurance coverage will need roughly $260,000 to cover out-of-pocket health care costs in retirement. That does not include any costs incurred for long-term care or assisted living.[1]

What good does it do your kids, asks Cindy Hounsell, president of the Women’s Institute for Secure Retirement (WISER), if you use your paychecks to ease their financial woes, but then outlive your savings?

One or more of your kids (statistically more likely to be your daughter) might then be forced to help finance your living expenses or quit their job to become your caregiver.

“I know a mom who gave her paid-off New York City apartment to her son and his wife because she felt like they would never be able to afford to buy on their own But now she’s moved to Florida where she’s paying rent,” said Hounsell. “She herself has been widowed a long time so there is only one Social Security check coming in for her. I know a lot of examples like this of women giving money to their kids or grandkids when they don’t really have it to give.”

Less stress

Money continues to be the leading cause of stress in America, according to a recent study from the American Psychological Association (APA), which found nearly three-quarters (72 percent) of adults reported feeling stressed about money at least some of the time and nearly one quarter (22 percent) said they experienced extreme stress over money troubles during the past month. [2]

According to the study, women (68 percent) are more likely than men (61 percent) to cite money as a significant source of stress.

Stress related to financial struggles, of course, can impact both psychological and physical health. Indeed, the APA report noted those who report high levels of stress about money often engage in unhealthy behaviors to manage that stress, adding that financial struggles may strain individuals’ cognitive abilities, which could perpetuate poor decision-making.

“These findings stand against a backdrop of research that shows the profound effects of stress on health status and longevity,” the APA study noted.

More emotionally available

Making your money a top priority yields another important benefit as well: Liberated from the weight of financial uncertainty, you restore a sense of balance that may enable you to be more emotionally available to your spouse, kids, friends, and career, said Hounsell. By nurturing yourself, you can be more present for those you love.

“If you have a plan and you know what is going to happen financially, you’re happier and less stressed,” said Hounsell. “It’s the not knowing that weighs you down.”

While no one knows every variable, like how long they’ll live or whether a layoff is imminent, you can plan for the most likely outcomes, prepare for the unexpected with an emergency fund, and protect your loved ones with adequate life and disability income insurance coverage.

“You don’t know if you’re going to get sick or when you’re going to die, but we do know it will happen eventually and you have to plan for that,” said Hounsell. “You have to take your family into account. No one wants to say, ‘Sorry, I didn’t plan and now I have nothing.’”

You need more saved

Lastly, women should be more selfish with their finances because, well, they have to be. As a gender, women typically live longer, earn less and have less banked than their male counterparts. That makes them more vulnerable in the event of a divorce or premature death of a breadwinning-spouse.

Need proof? The Centers for Disease Control reports U.S. females born in 2015 will live to an average age of 81.2, compared with 76.3 for men. [3] They earn roughly 83 percent of what men earn for the same job, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. And, while they are generally better savers and more likely to participate in a 401(k) plan at work, their lower average income means they have far less socked away than most men: The average account balance for women participating in a defined contribution retirement plan in 2016 was $76,143, compared with $117,270 for men.[4]

Clearly, women can’t afford to put themselves last.

By declaring your own financial security as a top priority, women can not only relieve a significant source of stress, but also potentially strengthen their relationship with their spouse, family and friends.


*Shelly Gigante is not affiliated with Women Empowering Women Blog.

Words of Wisdom Wednesday