Happy Holidays!

Financial Wellness Wednesday

Amanda Clayman’s top tips for achieving financial wellness, as listed on Forbes.

1. There’s No Such Thing as Being Bad with Money. All financial behavior has meaning. The places where we get stuck and make mistakes--we can think of them as a jumping off point for how we think about and use money. There’s information in there. And when we’re talking to about this with someone who's neutral, or we’re able to be neutral with ourselves, we can see constructively what’s going off track and work with that, as opposed to turning that into something that’s directed at the self and saying we’re bad.
2. Think of Money as a Practice. Financial wellness is a way of re-framing money. One way we can think about financial wellness is as purpose driven money—thinking about money as a kind of fuel that we direct at those things that give our lives meaning and joy. Because there’s always competition for our money, we must think of this as an ongoing balancing act. Money is with us from cradle to grave. As we’re consistently managing it, we can use it to keep referencing what’s important to us given the choices that we’re facing. How do we balance how we make money versus how we want to spend money, or how put away money for the future? Or how do I balance money with a partner and building a life together? You’re always looking to find that balance point that is as inclusive as possible between all the different things you’re trying to use money to manage and fuel.
3. Your Calendar is Your Best Budgeting Tool. A lot of people are trying to outsource budgeting so they don’t have to pay attention. But attention is critical to living a purpose-driven financial life based on wellness. Having a regular time that you’re sitting down and reviewing, predicting, and planning what’s going on with your money is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.
4. Ask What Money Means to You—and Your Partner. There really is no wrong way to do money—it’s fine to be risky or risk averse. Everybody has a lens that they use that feels right for them. Asking yourself what money means to you can help when you have a partner who sees money differently (and I’d say that’s more the norm than the exception). If we take a system look of relationships, we see that we often seek out somebody who will balance us out. For example, if we’re more anxious and analytical, we might want someone who’s more intuitive and optimistic. And between these two viewpoints, you can often come to a more balanced position or way of being with money than either individual would be able to do on their own. We’re all learning different lessons as we go.

Happy Thanksgiving!

On behalf of Women Empowering Women blog, we would like to wish you a very special Thanksgiving this year.

Holiday Stress: How to Manage Sanity

Holiday Stress: How to Manage Sanity

The holiday season is magical. The lights, the scents of the season with pine, cookies, cinnamon and images of sugarplums dancing in the air. Unfortunately, all of this can become overwhelming when you are dealing with a career, children, managing a full calendar of holiday activities, and purchasing gifts for the office secret Santa and the teachers at your child’s school. Managing stress during the holidays is a chore in and of itself. What can you do to minimize this?

Begin by starting now. We are about 6 weeks away from Christmas. Get a wall calendar for your kitchen or personal space. Manage invitations by committing to a reasonable amount, perhaps 2 per week. Have your I must attend and it would be nice to attend lists handy for your decision-making process. Be ready to decline when you must. People understand there are many events and not everyone is able to make it to everything but when you get an invitation, you must decide whether or not to attend, then send them the proper response. Don’t feel guilty and over-commit yourself.

For presents, make a list of family, friends and work associates you want to send gifts to. Remember, gifts don’t need to be elaborate, they are just reminders that you are thinking of them. Many times simple, thoughtful gifts are more appreciated. Do as much online as you can. Sit one weekend morning or evening with some relaxing music, a cup of hot cocoa, and your list and take care of your shopping from the comfort of your home and avoid the crowds, parking lots, and overspending that happens when you go into the stores.

For holiday cards, decide if you are going to send digital, picture or traditional cards, print your labels and get the cards out of the way early. I set up the weekend after Thanksgiving as my holiday focus. I take care of the holiday cards, online shopping and home decoration. My goal is to be able to enjoy December’s festivities instead of worrying about parties, gifts, cards and all the extras that come with it. Remember, the essence of the holidays is to enjoy those you love and spend quality time with them. Get the commercial side of the holidays over with early so you can truly smile and enjoy Christmas as children do, just focused on the magic of the spirit.

- Bellaria Jimenez

Will Marré's 6 Skills You Can Use TODAY to Lead Like a Woman

We recently came across this article by Will Marré in our inbox and wanted to share in case you haven't read it yet.

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Women are frustrated.  The social myths of the past 5000 years have locked women into roles and expected behaviors that are ill-suited for a 21st-century female life. The new freedom that women experience does not just come from their own desires but also from the prolonged adolescence of 21st century men that are forcing women to become more emotionally and economically independent. The social expectations of men to be established primary breadwinners and husbands and fathers by the time they are 30 are long gone. Today 50% of 33-year-old males have never been married and seem to be enjoying freedom without responsibility quite nicely.

New research indicates that dating apps, which vastly increase the opportunity for casual female companionship, are relationship commitment killers. What all this means in the world of work is that as women reach their 20’s today, they do with the expectation that they need to create a full, independent career that will give them economic security and fulfilling opportunities. That’s the way it is.  And it’s positive in that more women are discovering and expressing their true talent and desires than ever before.

But here’s the problem.  Most women feel very disadvantaged in achieving their career goals because they work in male dominant cultures.  As Northwestern University’s Dr. Alice Eagely points out, “we admire power seeking, ambitious males and forgive them for their faults. Yet we distrust power seeking females and are suspicious of their nature and question their competence.”  I am fascinated by her insight that ambitious females are subconsciously “questioned for their nature” … like what kind of woman are you?

Sadly, I have found that she is right. When I talk to male managers and professionals privately, they tell me it is hard for them to sustain open-minded listening and consideration of important ideas coming from a strong female. Women are he-coached to lead like men, but when they try to they are not supported. This problem does not arise from mean men, uneducated men or even insecure men. These are simply the subconscious norms most of us have adopted about women’s roles and behaviors of the past.

Remember, for thousands of years most women have been dependent on men for economic security and physical safety. The power that gave men over women leads us to the Harvey Weinstein’s of today. But everything is changing now.

I just returned from India where the daughters of semi-literate village women are literally becoming high paid computer engineers. In one generation, a 5000–year-old culture is shifting due to the education of women.

All that is good, but so many women ask me what can they do today to increase their influence and impact in the archaic, authoritarian companies they work in. One thing that doesn’t work is wishing for an instant change in subconscious attitudes that have been ingrained for thousands of years. Harvard researchers, John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut have identified that all of us, men and women, tend to trust women that are warm, as well as strong. And conversely, we tend to distrust women who are only strong, but don’t exhibit much warmth because it seems to be against the “nature” of how women should act. Of course, it’s true that while we might respect strong women, most of us are psychologically uncomfortable working with them. Men on the other hand don’t have this requirement.

I know, it’s not fair.  But it starts with toddler age boys and girls. Research on early childhood development reveals that both parents and teachers are much more accepting of aggressive behavior of boys than girls. This double standard persists for the rest of our lives.

In the workplace, the figure above tells the story.

Women struggle to be accepted as leaders because if they are too strong they will often create passive aggressive resistance. But if they’re too warm team members are likely to translate that into softness and eventually weakness. Either result limits their leadership impact and diminishes their authority.  This of course undermines teamwork and accountability which leads to poor results.

But describing the problem doesn’t solve it. So, I’ve developed a simple list of skills you can use to communicate both strength and warmth. Please do not view these as manipulative “tricks.” Instead see them as skills to expand your emotional intelligence.

1. Get clear and stay calm. A woman who is clear on what she wants and stays calm and persistent can “melt rock.” One way to project clarity is to describe the outcomes you are seeking using the “rule of threes.”  This means when you state a goal you say… “There are three objectives we need to accomplish,” then concisely state the objectives. An example might be:  (1) We need to improve our customer service scores by 10% in the next 90 days. In order to do this, we must (2) interview every and re- train all are customer service reps in next 30 days. And (3) we must change the way we measure call-center productivity from efficiency to effectiveness. Please note that you communicate warmth when you use the pronoun we instead of you…we must rather than you must.According to psychologists, calmness communicates confidence. And the way you demonstrate calmness is to keep your voice in your lower octave range and to speak slowly. So, any time you raise your voice and speed up be aware you’re probably communicating anxiety which actually reduces your power.
2. When you are presenting to a group using PowerPoint or a handout always stand up. A leader needs to “fill the room.” I’ve coached many executive women to always stand when they’re making a formal presentation, even if the men in the room make presentations while they are slouching in their chairs around the conference table. A couple of a powerful psychological things happen when you stand. For you, standing up increases your metabolic rate which gives you more energy. Standing gives you an opportunity to lean forward when making important points which is known as the power pose. It also makes you taller than everyone that was sitting and height is associated with both confidence and competence. (That’s why most CEOs are over 6 feet tall.)
3. Always gain and train allies to support your agenda. In important meetings where decisions are being made it is vital to have recruited vocal supporters. A vocal supporter as someone who will speak up in support of your ideas even in the face of opposition. In every meeting there are influencers whose opinions weigh more than others. Before a meeting you should ask the influencers who you have already recruited if you can call on them to speak up in support. You don’t want to surprise him or put them on the spot if they haven’t agreed to. Sometimes, an unreliable supporter will sabotage your agenda if they feel the winds are changing. So, it’s important to make eye contact with them before you call them.
4. Use business cases to influence change. The business case simply means that you have developed credible, positive, and financial outcomes that will come as a result of your proposal. Most business decisions are based on a potential positive financial result.  So, if your proposal is to rearrange the office so more people can see outside that has to be linked to increased productivity, engagement and initiative. Also, it’s important to portray all of your outcomes in graphs and charts not numbers or heaven for-bid excel spreadsheets. The reason is neurological.  Graphic data is interpreted by your visual cortex which is less likely to trigger opposition than a list of numbers. Just try it and see for yourself.
5. You can only change the status quo by predicting the negative financial outcome of not changing. This is called the cost of failure.  In my work, I graphically portray a financial analysis of the annual cost of replacing of valued female talent and the cost of lower engagement as a percentage of overall women’s payroll.  I don’t defend it as an exact analysis but rather as a credible indicator of the cost of marginalizing talent. 
   
   You can make a visual graphic of a financial argument for virtually anything you want to change. Internal financial analysts are often happy to get involved which lend needed credibility to your influence.

6. When people oppose you can often neutralize their opposition by offering to do a complete test of your idea and measure the results. This makes you flexible, reasonable and confident and puts them into a corner of just being oppositional. I have often started culture change projects by working with a single, business-critical team or a function like finance or professional services that have wide cross-company impacts. Often, we can produce tangible behavior change with positive testimonials and cases in 90 days. Proof that the change that you advocate creates positive results increases power and sets you up for promotion.

There are several more simple skills and tools that I teach women and men who find themselves stuck in high-pressure, low power, career killing situations. Once you realize that your culture is biased against your gender, your style, or way of thinking you can use your emotional intelligence to outsmart it.

The bottom line:

I have found the best ideas to help companies grow and employees thrive rarely come from the top.  They come from people who really care about customers and creating a quality of work-life that inspires great work.  Authoritarian cultures usually value profit and dominance rather than customer value and employee engagement. I am inspired when I can help elevate organizations by increasing the influence of positive change makers.  That requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and specific skills to improve and increase your power and avoid getting caught in the vicious cycle of being shut down because you’re too aggressive, or ignored because you’re not aggressive enough. Great, effective and happy women leaders are both strong and warm.

I am convinced of one thing. Women will overcome the bias of authoritarianism because they will not give up… not this time…not ever.

Will Marré's Why Yoga May Be Essential for Career Happiness

We recently came across this article by Will Marré in our inbox and wanted to share in case you haven't read it yet.

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What would you do if you’ve learned that you were doing something every day that was making you unproductive, unhealthy, unhappy and sabotaging your relationships. More importantly, if you could easily stop this one bad habit and instead do just one thing that would help your career take off and make you healthier, happier, and improve your relationships would you do it? I will talk about the bad habit we all need to stop toward the end, but first India and the good habit.

I just got back from spending three weeks in India. The first week I spent conducting Gender Synergy workshops for a large tech company. It was very exciting to feel the enthusiasm of hundreds of male and female engineers and professionals as they learned about how bias in the workplace makes everyone less successful and the simple, Jedi-like work behaviors that transform working relationships and up-level results.

The key to engaging men in the sensitive topic of women’s equality is to point out that the cognitive differences between individuals of either sex is greater than the general differences between men and women. Yes, there are pink brain men and blue brained women. Workplace equality and opportunity begins by treating everyone like they are a genius. Once you shift your mind away from dealing with individuals as stereotypes and see them as human beings with unique talents, interests, and abilities you redefine the meaning of “inclusion.”  With that framework everyone gets a lot more interested in co-creating a culture where mutual empowerment becomes the engine of success.

So, the training was very rewarding for me to do.

But I want to tell you about some things I learned in India, and from my daughter, Nicole, who transformed her life and career through Yoga.

Yoga, the Good Habit
 
After the training, my wife and I traveled in Tamil Nadu, the ancient part of southern India known for its many, many temples, most of which are in full use today by millions of devout Hindu’s. One of the most obvious elements of sacred Hindu stories is the role of the feminine in all her dimensions. Both love and fierceness for the well-being of all, are prominent themes of many of the morality stories featuring Hindu Goddesses.

 
We also learned more about the evolution of yoga and some of it’s deeper meaning beyond posing, stretching and sweating. The simple meaning of the word yoga is UNION. You are free to interpret that meaning as you wish, but for me yoga represents the union of me with all that is. The energy that union is activated through the personal practice of uniting your mindful attention with a sacred intention to fulfill the promise of your true potential.
 
My temple tour thoughts about yoga combined with an evening-long conversation with Nicole lead me to these deeper ideas.
 

 

The physical practice of yoga with its focus on mindful breathing and specific body postures, release the kinks in both your muscles and your mind. Validated research confirms that the practice of yoga is the single best thing to do if you want to avoid premature aging, aches and pains, high blood pressure, and elevated levels of organ inflammation. Practicing yoga several times a week will also help you sleep more soundly, think more clearly, have better relationships and spike your level of optimism.
 
Amazingly, yoga is also the best exercise you can use to lose weight.  That’s because weight is lost in the kitchen not in the gym. And yoga increases our self-control and inspires confidence that we can achieve difficult goals through self-discipline.
Many of the proven positive effects of yoga appear to be caused by the effect on our brains of deep states of mindfulness. Mindfulness inhibits reactive thinking and agitating triggering emotions. It reduces stress both physically and psychologically.
 
And yet the insight I got in India (later confirmed by research) is that low stress does not make you happy. It only creates clarity about the nature of work, love and play that will bring you happiness. Remember, happiness comes from saying yes. Yes to activities, relationships and experiences that bring you joy. Happiness is not the result of no stress, but is the feeling that arises from “inner coherence.”  This means what you do, who and how you love and the gusto with which you play reflects your deepest values and your best self.
 
In western psychology yoga is flow. It requires you giving 100% of your deep attention to what you are doing in the now.  This actually expands the power of your life force. This is the force of your identity and capabilities in the pursuit of what makes you fulfilled.

Thus, there is a:

• Yoga of Work
• Yoga of Love
• Yoga of Play

Yoga is the union of your deeper self with whatever you are doing now.

If this sounds exhausting it isn’t. Because yoga is both psychological and physical flow, it is a source of energy.  When you tap into this energy, whatever you are doing becomes sacred because you are connecting to something bigger than your personal fears and desires.

So, what exactly does yoga have to do with your career?  Maybe everything!

I have literally taught thousands of people how to achieve career clarity and how to become a top ten percent person in your career. (Better than 90% of people doing what you do.)

Here’s how yoga can help. When you are doing a physical yoga session you should come away feeling calm and clear. That’s how your career should make you feel. If your work doesn’t give you that kind of energy you are either doing the wrong work or doing the right work in the wrong workplace.

If you feel full of confused energy, you can do a personal yoga retreat right now while you live your present life. Here is how:

For seven days take a yoga class each day with the mindful intention of gaining clarity about what work will create the “union” in which work becomes the flow of self-expression. During this “sacred seven day retreat” do not listen to or read the news, especially political news. Eat a low carbohydrate, high protein, no sugar or sweetener diet. Mindfully eat small portions often so you are never over full or hungry. Focus on the taste and texture of the food. Listen only to instrumental music but really listen to the individual sounds of each instrument. Only look at your cell phone three times a day and only respond to emails, texts and calls three times. When you are talking to others give your full, positive attention. You may also choose to read an inspiring book instead of looking at TV. At bedtime write in your journal answering two questions:  

• What does my highest self want for my life, and
• What does my highest self want for my work?

You should end the week with seven journal entries with the last one being most clear and true. This retreat, without stopping your life, is a great immersion in living mindfully.

Developing a yoga mind can also help you get clear on how to go about your present work and how you might transform it into a fulfilling career. Your yoga-life practice will deepen your thinking and calm your brain so you can get to your deeper sources of wisdom. So yoga is the good habit…

The Bad Habit We Must ALL Stop!

 

And now, the bad habit we must all stop. You have to defeat the enemy of the unified mind. You have to house-break your out-of-control smart phone that is crapping all over your life.

Understand this--practicing the fullness of the Yoga of Life is more important than ever because our modern technology is cunningly designed to steal your attention from important things to the fleeting urgencies of others or disturbing news that we can do nothing about.

Our smart phones are making us stupid, stressed, confused and emotionally disconnected.
Just read all the research cited in this recent Wall Street Journal article.

• Experiments validate that just being in the same room with you smart phone lessens your attention in conversations with the people you love and they feel it.

• In other experiments, couples felt less understood and felt lower intimacy and even less trust when they had conversations with their cell phones in sight.

• Smart phones give us the “illusion of intelligence” but actually reduce our “cognitive capacity.”  Access to facts alone doesn’t make us wise. Smart phones can be a “cognitive crutch” which has proven to lessen your ability to interpret and solve unfamiliar problems. Since we no longer have to memorize because all data is available all the time our interior judgment is handicapped by laziness. This happens because we do not have memory of memorized facts that constitute a forest of internal knowledge that we can walk through to make decisions. We never become one with what we have learned.

• Just the desire to check your phone, which we do on average 80 times per day, reduces your mental abilities such as reasoning, problem solving, and creativity.

• In classroom experiments, students who had their cell phones visually available during tests made significantly more errors than students who had hidden their phones from sight. This is because the student’s focus was divided because part of their brain’s capacity was on alert for a possible text.

So smart phones are the anti yoga…the anti union with all that we value. They are useful tools but bad masters. When my clients are struggling for clarity I put them on a smart phone diet. They only get to interact with it 3 times a day.

The Bottom Line

If you are serious about up-grading your work, your relationships and your life but aren’t willing to do the full retreat start practicing Yoga three times per week for six weeks. Strive for inner coherence. Tame your technology. Go on a cell phone diet if you need to. Live in your “question” until you feel the union…the flow of connecting what you do with who you really are.

Don’t try…Do.

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Bellaria Jimenez quoted in GAMA eBook Retention Series

Bellaria was quoted on page 9 in the GAMA Foundation's second eBook in their Retention series, “Creating a Culture of Passion and Purpose.”

Congratulations, Bellaria!

Establish Discipline

There is no doubt that the most successful individuals in business, sports or any other trade have a disciplined lifestyle. Everything from what they eat, to their exercise routine, to how they organize their day has a structure. This structured discipline is what differentiates the good from the great.

When we are in school, we accomplish discipline by being told what to do and when to do it by our parents and teachers. Some students are better than others at doing homework and projects, which is reflected in their grades and overall academic performance. Somehow when we go to college and are no longer told what to do, we lose our discipline and structure. This is the start of what then becomes a life of winging it, of just reacting to situations instead of planning.

Think for a minute what a difference having discipline with what we eat can have on our body and mind. If you stop to think about your meal plan for the day, you would avoid eating out of hunger, stress and grabbing whatever high calorie, non-nutritious food crosses your path simply because you are at a point of famish. This example is clearly visible by observing our bodies and how these bad habits reflect in our girth. Now apply the same example to our daily lives, your business, your goals, your money choices. If we treat them the same way we treat our eating, it is no wonder we are not getting the results we may be seeking.

How do you establish a discipline for success? First don’t be hard on yourself. You have years of bad habits that cannot be changed overnight. I use to bite my nails out of stress and it then just became a bad habit that is not very hygienic to say the least. It took me years to break it and occasionally, I catch myself sticking my fingers in my mouth but it can be changed. The first step is to get real with yourself. Just get mad! That’s it, I have had enough! Then start with just one thing. One change you are going to commit to making.

Here is a personal example. I realized that I had a lot of daily stresses in my life and I was having a difficult time disconnecting and finding joy in simple things. I was becoming way to serious! I started paying attention to what I was focusing on during the day. I was only compounding it by the stuff I was listening to. The soundbites in your day program your brain to think and feel a certain way. My first change which was extremely challenging was disconnecting from the news. I realized news tend to be negative, depressing, stressful and I can’t do anything about whatever is being reported. It does not get me any closer to my goals and objectives. I would wake up in the morning to the news, I would then turn the TV on while eating my breakfast to the morning show and listen to more news and gossip on other people’s lives and then I would get in my car and listen to more news. I figured I was well informed, I was building knowledge and well you get the point, it was my own excuses for why I had established this habit.

I started the change by establishing a new morning routine. I now wake up and listen to a motivational speaker like Tony Robbins, Darren Hardy or Mel Robbins, while I do my hair and makeup. Then I listen to soft music while making my coffee. A few weeks after getting this routine down, I added a new element, a 5 minute meditation after my coffee. On my drive to work I now listen to Audible to change the soundbite I listen to and make it something relevant to my goal. I can’t stress enough how these small changes over time have drastically changed my life and my business results. By the way, the world problems continue and it does not affect my daily life. I know there were a few hurricanes recently and I donated money for the recovery efforts. I helped do my positive part but I did not have to watch upsetting images to be motivated to donate. All disciplines begin by establishing a new routine and sticking to it even when you are on vacation.

Try making the changes over a period of 4 weeks. Write it down so that you don’t forget and every day read it, follow it and tweak it. You will be so amazed at how you can improve every aspect of your life. I have applied the same changes to my eating, exercising and even playtime with my son. I have disciplined routines that I have established and I feel so much more relaxed and confident that I am on the road to reaching my goals. Remember it is not the destination but the journey that is the most important.

Does Meditation Really Work?

In the quest for clarity and focus, we tend to lose sight of the importance of focusing on fine tuning a very important organ, our brain. We heavily emphasize the importance of exercising and eating right as essential parts of our overall health regimen but we forget that our brains need attention too. There isn’t as much discussion on how to shut off the mind and stay focused and clear in achieving success when you are working hard at school, at work, or at building a business. When our brains are working right, we are clear, focused, and positive. When are brains are not working right, we are negative, depressed, and lethargic. This is why focusing on the brain is as critical as focusing on your body fat or diet. So how do you focus on the brain?

You can start by reading more about your brain -- there are many great brain books. Two of the most recent books I read on this subject are “Making a Good Brain Great” by Dr. Daniel Amen and “Brain Maker” by David Perlmutter and Kristin Loberg. These books contain great insight as to how to protect your brain, how to eat the right foods to prevent brain illnesses, and brain exercises that keep your brain engaged. As the saying goes “use it; don't lose it.”

Another way to focus on your brain’s health is to meditate. I was never a big believer in meditation -- I thought of it as too new age for me. I made excuses as to why I had no time for it but now that I have been practicing it, I understand the importance of daily reflection, of clearing your brain from the daily clutter that consumes it. Have you ever watched something disturbing and it takes a while for you to shake it? Or have you ever listened to a song that brings back a sad memory? These are examples of how your brain can be triggered and you have to quickly change your thoughts to snap out of it. The problem is that daily our brain is inundated with thoughts and images that are not moving us towards our goals, that are not positive and energizing, and you aren’t even aware of it. Your brain is zapped daily by news, gossip, other people’s agenda, so many conscious and unconscious thoughts and images that it can’t turn off. This leads to stress, insomnia, panic attacks and so on.

The idea of daily mediation is to gain control of your brain and your thoughts, to declutter the brain, change the channel to the white noise station so it can reset. Your brain needs this just like your computer and cell phone need to reboot periodically to work efficiently. When you start meditating, you may find it difficult to shut your mind and turn off your thoughts. You might find that you really stink at it. Don’t give up. Keep at it. You will find it extremely beneficial and you will regain control of yourself. Your exercise routine is not complete without the daily exercise of your brain.

You can meditate by just staying quiet, focusing on your breathing. Slowly breathe in through your nose until you can’t fill your lungs any longer and then breathe out through your mouth until all of the air is out. Try this a few times to start relaxing. You may also choose to use guided meditations. My favorite app for mediation is Insight Timer -- it is free and has so many options to choose from. I do a short 5 to 10 minute morning mediation and a sleep meditation which I always fall asleep and never hear to its entirety... I guess that is the point. Another popular meditation app is Headspace. They offer a free 10-day beginner course, and if you like it, they have three subscription options -- $12.99/month, a one-time annual payment equating to $7.99/month, or a lifetime subscription for $399.99. Enjoy and take care of your brain, there are too many stressed out and unhappy people out there. Don’t be one of them!

Here are 6 daily tips to declutter and reset your brain.

1. Do a short 5-10 minute morning mediation.
2. Do not watch news or listen to gossip. (Believe me, this is not helping you reach your goals and you can’t do anything about it, it is a waste of your time and energy.)
3. Find reasons to laugh during the day; it is the best brain medicine.
4. Disconnect at night -- no news, no disturbing television shows.
5. Write in a journal and reflect things you are grateful for.
6. Sleep meditation or prayer before you go to sleep.

- Bellaria Jimenez

5 Reasons Why Women Should be Selfish... Financially

Article by: Shelly Gigante

Shelly Gigante specializes in personal finance issues. Her work has appeared in a variety of publications and news websites.

Originally posted on August 24, 2017

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Women are givers by nature – especially when it comes to our money. We may delay getting dental work to buy back-to-school clothes. Or put our careers on hold to raise children and care for aging parents. And we might help pay for our kids’ (and sometimes grandkids’) college tuition at the expense of our own retirement savings.

Such choices may be selfless, but they also put women in a precarious financial position.

“Women are trained to look out for others,” said Ginita Wall, a tax accountant, financial advisor, and co-founder of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education, a San Diego, California-based nonprofit. “That’s not to say men don’t have the instinct to care for their families because they do, but they tend to take a more macro view, while women look more at the micro – at what needs to get done today or this week.”

Wall recalls one client who came to her in her early 60s and wanted to be sure that she was going to be set for retirement.

“We reviewed her financial plan and determined that she should be able to retire on time at age 66, but two years later she told me she didn’t have any money at all,” said Wall, in an interview. The client revealed that her daughter had been engaged in a nasty custody battle and that she had helped pay for all her legal fees.

“It devastated her own retirement plan and now she won’t be able to retire even close to on time,” said Wall. “Mothers want to make their children happy and relieve their pain, but you can’t help your family unless you first take care of yourself.” (Related: Establishing financial goals)

Toward that end, as Women’s Equality Day approaches, here are five reasons why the ladies should make their money a top priority…

Break the cycle

Apart from the sentiment to support their family, women often sacrifice their own financial well-being because that’s the behavior their own mothers modeled, said Wall.

“Your financial decisions today are setting an example for your kids and future generations,” she said. “Parents often think about influencing their younger children, but they forget that adult children need guidance, too. Show them what to do and break the cycle.”

Don’t give your son money for a down payment on a first home, for example, if it compromises your ability to retire on time or with the lifestyle you envisioned. And don’t bail your daughter out of credit card debt if it won’t do either of you any good.

Instead, make clear that you’re not in the position to provide financial resources, but lend your verbal and emotional support. It’s not a rejection. It’s a learning opportunity. Help them research loan options, develop a savings plan, and explore debt repayment options to empower your children to meet their financial goals today and develop healthy spending habits for tomorrow.

Self-reliance is a gift

While many parents worry about leaving a financial legacy for their kids, financial advisors say the best gift you can give the next generation is to fortify your retirement nest egg so you can cover your own living expenses and future health care costs.

According to Fidelity’s annual Heath Care Cost Estimate, the average 65-year old couple retiring in 2016 with traditional Medicare insurance coverage will need roughly $260,000 to cover out-of-pocket health care costs in retirement. That does not include any costs incurred for long-term care or assisted living.[1]

What good does it do your kids, asks Cindy Hounsell, president of the Women’s Institute for Secure Retirement (WISER), if you use your paychecks to ease their financial woes, but then outlive your savings?

One or more of your kids (statistically more likely to be your daughter) might then be forced to help finance your living expenses or quit their job to become your caregiver.

“I know a mom who gave her paid-off New York City apartment to her son and his wife because she felt like they would never be able to afford to buy on their own But now she’s moved to Florida where she’s paying rent,” said Hounsell. “She herself has been widowed a long time so there is only one Social Security check coming in for her. I know a lot of examples like this of women giving money to their kids or grandkids when they don’t really have it to give.”

Less stress

Money continues to be the leading cause of stress in America, according to a recent study from the American Psychological Association (APA), which found nearly three-quarters (72 percent) of adults reported feeling stressed about money at least some of the time and nearly one quarter (22 percent) said they experienced extreme stress over money troubles during the past month. [2]

According to the study, women (68 percent) are more likely than men (61 percent) to cite money as a significant source of stress.

Stress related to financial struggles, of course, can impact both psychological and physical health. Indeed, the APA report noted those who report high levels of stress about money often engage in unhealthy behaviors to manage that stress, adding that financial struggles may strain individuals’ cognitive abilities, which could perpetuate poor decision-making.

“These findings stand against a backdrop of research that shows the profound effects of stress on health status and longevity,” the APA study noted.

More emotionally available

Making your money a top priority yields another important benefit as well: Liberated from the weight of financial uncertainty, you restore a sense of balance that may enable you to be more emotionally available to your spouse, kids, friends, and career, said Hounsell. By nurturing yourself, you can be more present for those you love.

“If you have a plan and you know what is going to happen financially, you’re happier and less stressed,” said Hounsell. “It’s the not knowing that weighs you down.”

While no one knows every variable, like how long they’ll live or whether a layoff is imminent, you can plan for the most likely outcomes, prepare for the unexpected with an emergency fund, and protect your loved ones with adequate life and disability income insurance coverage.

“You don’t know if you’re going to get sick or when you’re going to die, but we do know it will happen eventually and you have to plan for that,” said Hounsell. “You have to take your family into account. No one wants to say, ‘Sorry, I didn’t plan and now I have nothing.’”

You need more saved

Lastly, women should be more selfish with their finances because, well, they have to be. As a gender, women typically live longer, earn less and have less banked than their male counterparts. That makes them more vulnerable in the event of a divorce or premature death of a breadwinning-spouse.

Need proof? The Centers for Disease Control reports U.S. females born in 2015 will live to an average age of 81.2, compared with 76.3 for men. [3] They earn roughly 83 percent of what men earn for the same job, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. And, while they are generally better savers and more likely to participate in a 401(k) plan at work, their lower average income means they have far less socked away than most men: The average account balance for women participating in a defined contribution retirement plan in 2016 was $76,143, compared with $117,270 for men.[4]

Clearly, women can’t afford to put themselves last.

By declaring your own financial security as a top priority, women can not only relieve a significant source of stress, but also potentially strengthen their relationship with their spouse, family and friends.


*Shelly Gigante is not affiliated with Women Empowering Women Blog.

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Will Marré's Advice for Google: Don’t FIRE Men… CONVERT them!

We recently came across this article by Will Marré in our inbox and wanted to share in case you haven't read it yet.

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Although I understand why Google fired the engineer who wrote the creed blaming women for their own lack of opportunities in tech companies, cultural values are vital to long-term corporate success. People that don’t embrace them are a drag on the strategic velocity and organization needs to be successful.

But I wonder if it might have been much better to suspend the wrongheaded writer to see if he was open to new ways of thinking, about new ways of working, that enable all humans to contribute their gifted talents and their developed skills in networks of creative collaboration.

First of all, let me clear up some of the current controversy that is going on about the Mars and Venus theory of gender differences and equal opportunity in the workplace.

There are some women activists and even a neuro scientist, Dapha Joel, who insists that since there are only tiny physical differences between men’s and women’s brain,s we should not speak of gender differences in thinking styles, cognitive attention or even emotional intelligence. In other words, men and women are not only equal they’re pretty much exactly the same. The problem with this argument is that it’s not true.

The proponents of the we-all-have-the-same-brain theory use the “strawman” fallacy to come to a conclusion that it is true, but beside the point. To win an argument people often misrepresent the argument by creating a strawman statement that they can easily refute. Their strawman fallacy is they are trying to prove that men’s and women’s brains are not biologically different, which IS absolutely true. Then they promote the idea that both men and women can excel in any field. Women can become top scientists and engineers, and men can become fashion designers and sociologists. Well duh… of course that’s true. But that is not a smart way to consider gender differences.

There are cognitive gender differences that are true. Last week I spoke with Dr. Ragini Verma, the University of Pennsylvania researcher who uses a precise brain imaging process called diffusion tensor imaging, DTI, to map the actual neuro networks of individuals. This enables brain scientists to see how people have constructed the mental highways in their brain that they most frequently use to respond to the outside stimulus and problem solve. She used this on nearly 1000 subjects about half men and half women. Half the subjects were children and teenagers and half were adults. This is what her results look like.

Dr. Verma’s conclusion is that since brains are not fully mature until we reach the age of 25, there is a lot of mental road building going on as we grow up. She noticed that the neural networks of teenage boys and girls 13-17 begin to show strong divergence. Verma is clear that the differences in men’s and women’s neural networks is not binary. It is absurd to believe that all men think a certain way or all women think a certain way. But it is useful to understand that there is a gender-based distribution in which most men develop what she calls “front to back” neural connections where most women develop “side-to-side” neuro connections. This fact impacts how people process information and make decisions.

Her research simply confirms, over 100 years of sociological and psychological research, that when men and women are faced with the same stimulus most men react in ways that are predictively different than most women. That’s simply a fact about men and women in general. Individuals of course vary across the entire spectrum. There are plenty of men who are holistic thinkers and plenty of women who are more linear.

What’s most interesting about Dr. Verma’s research is the possible impact of social influences on men and women as their brains develop. It is certainly fascinating that the gender differences in neural networks become pronounced in adolescence. So this might be due to the flood of estrogen and testosterone and some of it might be due to the cultural expectations we reinforce in young men and women.

In my work, I have found it very helpful to work with gender and neurological experts to understand how workplace cultures tend to favor typical male strengths.

However, my conclusion is that this is a terrible weakness that must be overcome if we are going to create enterprises that focus on value creation for customers and psychologically healthy workplaces for employees.

I have encountered some female activists who insist that any differences between men and women workplace strengths will be used as a rationale to limit women’s opportunities. I understand where they are coming from because that’s exactly the thinking promoted by the Google engineer. He proposed that women are too emotionally fragile and needy to do the hard, long, mental work software engineers are required to do. That’s just silly. Evidently, he never saw the movie Hidden Figures, which tells the true story of African American female mathematicians who figured out how to get our astronauts back from space without burning up in the earth’s atmosphere. Maybe he was unaware that Dr. Grace Harper invented Cobol, the first user-friendly business computer software. Or maybe he didn’t know that mathematician Ada Lovelace pioneered the use of mathematical algorithms that became the basis of the computer programming.

But for me, all of that is beside the point. Of course, women are whip smart and learn anything and do anything men can do. What’s important now is to value the scientific fact that most women have developed neural networks that give them distinct advantages in thinking versatility, which enables them to consider the merits of Alternate Decisions, and their impact without having their brains blowup, Social Intelligence, which helps women include and engage people with different viewpoints, and above all, Creative Collaboration, which is an advantage enabling teams to work together in ways that actually save time and money. Of course, not all women are good at these things and not all men are bad at them. What’s true is that these abilities are exactly what’s needed to avoid catastrophic cultural meltdowns, similar to what happened at Uber recently.

Today most organizations are greatly handicapped by there 20th Century authoritarian cultures that promote people into leadership because they thrive in an authoritarian environment. In 1990, there were 7000 major public companies in the U.S. Today there are less than 4000. Thousands of businesses have literally evaporated through acquisitions because the acquiring companies have so little cultural intelligence they could not value new thinking, new methods or even new markets.

So, what I would say to the young engineer recently fired from Google is that first, women have proven they can do anything your arrogant brain can. And second, it’s also true that men and women ARE generally different. The difference that women bring is exactly the difference that organizations need to thrive in our brand-new hyper-connected world. So quit whining. Quit criticizing. Start listening. You might learn something… and get back to work!

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Will Marré's 20 Reasons Why Advancing Women into Leadership is a Fiduciary Duty of Corporate Boards

We recently came across this article by Will Marré in our inbox and wanted to share in case you haven't read it yet.

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20 Reasons Why Advancing Women into Leadership Is a Fiduciary Duty of Corporate Boards

1. Women Get Results. Companies with diverse boards perform better than those run purely by men: Francesca Lagerberg, “Woman in business: the value of diversity.” Grant Thornton International, (2015): 1.

2. Women are more effective collaborators. Women are naturally wired for career success in today’s workplace with attributes such as cooperation, collaboration, and communication: Catherine Kaputa, “The female advantage: 9 ways to use it.”  The Women’s Conference Archive Site.

3. Women are more versatile. Character traits of women leaders include “masculine” traits such as straightforward communication style, action-oriented, risk-takers, skilled at solving complex problems but additionally resilience, energy, and empathy: “Women leaders research paper.”  Caliper Research and Development Department, (2014).    http://tinyurl.com/lb7kk8d

4. Women “read” people better. Women have higher social intelligence and are more intuitive and empathetic: Catherine Kaputa, “The female advantage: 9 ways to use it.”  The Women’s Conference Archive Site.

5. Women are more mentally agile. Women use both right and left hemispheres of brain making them outscore men on oral and written tests; better communicators: Catherine Kaputa, “The female advantage: 9 ways to use it.”  The Women’s Conference Archive Site.

6. Women express themselves better. Women have higher emotional intelligence, can express emotions more accurately which unites others: Catherine Kaputa, “The female advantage: 9 ways to use it.”  The Women’s Conference Archive Site.

7. Women are better transformational leaders. Women are more “transformation” leaders; they are skilled at getting subordinates to transform their own self-interest into the interest of the larger group.  Women transcribe their power not to their position within the organization but to their own personal characteristics: Barbara B. Moran, “Gender differences in leadership.”    http://tinyurl.com/p7uomgl

8. Women are better at creating win-win solutions. Women leaders are more democratic; better at win-win situations:  Barbara B. Moran, “Gender differences in leadership.”    http://tinyurl.com/p7uomgl

9. Women are better at leading teams. Women think more holistically, have higher levels of compassion and team-building skills, more persuasive and assertive, and are better at influencing without using authority.  Drew Gannon, “How men and women differ in the workplace.”  The Fiscal Times, (2012, May 25).    http://tinyurl.com/oeeoyu6
10. Women are better at uniting teams.Women are better at building team cohesion: Kenya McCullum, “The feminine advantage: 4 unique qualities women bring to the workplace.”  Worldwide Learn (2014, Sept. 9).     http://tinyurl.com/p835d4n

11. Women are more confident in their ability to deal with risk.Women leaders are more persuasive, assertive and willing to take more risks than male leaders: “The qualities that distinguish women leaders.”  Caliper Research and Development Center, (2005).    http://www.calipermedia.calipercorp.com/whitepapers/us/Qualities-in-Women-Leaders.pdf

12. Women are better at facing challenges. Women managers may be better prepared to cope with the challenges of the future: Barbara B. Moran, “Gender differences in leadership.”    http://tinyurl.com/p7uomgl

13. Women are better at getting results through teamwork. Women create more committed, collaborative, inclusive, and more effective teams: “Women leaders: the hard truth about soft skills.”  Bloomberg Business, (2010, Feb. 16).      http://tinyurl.com/pgjm5o2

14. Women are better at creating loyalty and commitment. Women are better at building relationships that inspire and engage others: Mitch McCrimmon, Are women better leaders than men?  Management Issues, (2014, May 6).    http://tinyurl.com/nh2rhrw

15. Women in the E-suite create better business results. Women generate better teams and better teams generate better corporate results: Solange Charas, “A mathematical argument for more women in leadership.”  Fast Company.     http://tinyurl.com/o8vxk43

16. Women are better at leading change. Women are better at promoting change: “Women leading change.”  Oxfam, (2011).

17. Women are more flexible under changing circumstances. Women are more flexible: Christine Avery and Diane Zabel, The Flexible Workplace: A Sourcebook of Information and Research.  Quorum Books (2001).    http://tinyurl.com/qfehe8j

18. Women are more adaptable to new circumstances. Women are more adaptable to change: Margaret Andersen, Howard Taylor, Kim Logio, Sociology: the essentials, eight edition.  Cengage learning, (2015).    http://tinyurl.com/oj4mhj8

19. Women are better at avoiding reckless risk. Women are better at avoiding reckless risk: Asha Kaul Manjari Singh, Gender inclusivity: theory and best practices. PHI Learning Private Limited, (2012).    http://tinyurl.com/nrayc35

20. Women are better at resolving risk. Women are better at resolving conflict: Colleen E. Kelley and Ann L. Ebien, Women who speak for peace.  Roman and Littlefield Publishers, (2002).